Last weeks clinic

Well I never posted about clinic last Tuesday.  Maybe because I was too bummed and it would have been a major negative downer post.  Maybe cause I didnt' know how to express my feelings.  Either way it's been a tough week for me.  There have been some bright spots as always if you look but it took me a few days to see them and I've had to work really hard to constantly try to remind myself to see them.  Gracie failed counts last Tuesday which was quite a shock to not only me but the doctor and nurses.  Her ANC fell from 1100 to 500 from Friday to Tuesday and they appeared to be on the uphill they had gone from 1000 to 1100 the week before.  Her hbg was at 10.9 and her platelets at 275,000.  They were all slightly climibing except her ANC.  Tuesday I was way bummed...I had spent several hours packing the bags and the car getting everything ready for Gracie and Tyson to survive an entire day at the hospital.   Planning on 8-10 hours including needing her beloved foods for after sedation once she finshed fasting.  Went to bed late got up early....finally got on the road and to the hospital packed all our bags and kids in and they BOTH had poopy diapers but the clinic was full so we waited and waited for the bathroom to change Gracie because she had a nasty steroid/chemo diaper rash again and letting poop sit in her diaper is NOT an option.  Finally we started changing her in the hall and got just about done when they said they were waiting for us and we needed to hurry.  I grabbed Gracie and took her in and let Tyson and the rest of the stuff with Dad and Grandma.  We got the dreaded port access done (after a mild blowout fromTyson) and numbers came back...she had failed counts for the first time.  The Dr kept looking at them trying to figure out a way she may be able to pass...impossible.  So that was it.  Time to go home...but not without her 2nd favorite part of clinic deaccessing her port.  Second only to accessing.  She HATES it.  So do I.  So we'll try again this Tuesday.  Wish us luck.  Wish there was an easier way to get her numbers so we knew whether or not to bother going in somedays. 
Now that it's almost a week later I have seen the bright side on a few things.  She has felt GREAT this week.  I guess I forgot what a 2 year feels like off chemo and steroids.  She has been so happy.  And we haven't had to give her any drugs(although a mother never forgets the dread and anxiety of coming chemo or anything bad or hard for their child...it's always hovering in my thoughts).  And her diaper rash is looking a LOT better.  Grandma Bucher is back to the rescue.  I'm sure she's tired of us...well probably not Gracie and Tyson and Todd isn't here too much so maybe just me:)  But we're grateful for all her help.   And all the other help we've had.  Hoping the next 2 weeks speed by and she feels GREAT for her birthday and Halloween.  A mother can always hope right?