Lessons learned

Turns out it is possible to be grateful for your trials while your going through them.  I have tried in the past,  but never been very good at it.  Now that it's been a very rough 6 months for our family and certainly the toughest I've had in my short 25 years, today I felt grateful for the person I have become through all these difficult times.  We were lucky enough to make it to sacrament meeting (not our ward...9:00 seems almost impossible these days) and as I sat there I thought of all the things I have learned and everything I now appreciate that I didn't before.  Then I had the thought (surely not my idea but the voice of the Spirit), what an incredible blessing that Heavenly Father saw fit to teach me these things at 25 instead of 40 or even later in life.  What a huge blessing for me to learn while my babies are 2 and 2 months how precious time is with them.  That some of the things that I used to think were a challenge and took for granted are really a blessing.  What a blessing it will be to someday drive to church together as a family and even if one of us sits on the stand for some reason like I often did at the organ I can look down and see that EVERY member of my family is there.  It's been almost 6 months since that's happened.  I now know that every phase comes to an end and stressing about it does no good...do your best and don't fight or stress over what you can't change.  Tyson was constipated Friday night and I was feeling pretty exhausted which is pretty typical these days and he was just so upset crying and I could feel my patience wearing thin and i just kept reminding myself this is going to end....sooner than I  know, and of course it did.  But before all this I would have gotten so worked up and thought it would never end (what a silly thought of course it will...)  I guess that's taken a lot of the Lord teaching me endurance to understand that.  If I can endure 2 1/2 years of horrible treatments for Gracie's leukemia and watching her suffer why should I make a big deal out of a few hours of crying.  It reminds me of  a quote in Elder Maxwell's book called "All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience" actually written by C.S. Lewis
"Imagine yourself as a living house.  God comes to rebuild that house.  At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing, He is getting the drains right and stopping those leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needing doing and so you are not surprised.  But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense.  What on earth is He up to?  The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.  You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage, but he is building a palace."
Thankfully our Father in Heaven knows what He is doing and I'm starting to realize that He is going to build me into a very different house that I ever expected, but I imagine when he's done it will look more like a palace than I ever thought possible.  I have learned so much and changed in ways I never would have dreamed.  I used to think I was a pretty sympathetic person, when I heard someone had cancer or some very difficult illness or disease I really did feel bad for them.  But, I don't feel that way anymore.  I feel MUCH MUCH More.  So much more than I ever thought a person could feel.  This past week my Uncle was diagnosed with colon cancer...the same uncle whose familiy so willingly gave of their time, talents and more to organize and get funds for Gracie's Gang a 5K race put on in honor of Gracie.  Who knew at that time that they themselves would be welcomed into the same world we are now in.  When I heard about it I can't possibly describe how I felt.  How close to the surface my emotions were or how my heart felt.  Something I couldn't possibly have felt 6 months ago.  I wouldn't have known how.  But, my thoughts and prayers and really my heart is full of thoughts of them as they begin this difficult journey.  I draw much strength in knowing there are so many wonderful people in this world...angels from both sides of the veil that will be there with them through this journey.  People who will care for them as we have been cared for.  A Father in Heaven who will literally carry them when they don't have the strength and slowly let them down to learn what they need to in order to become the palaces he knows they can become. 
Although this year has been challenging and I've had more than one moment where I thought I can't do this for another second...I've learned that I can.  I can do it for another second...another minute even another year.  So I just wanted to thank my Heavenly Father for teaching me that today.